Gratitude for My Cancer

This is probably my most favorite quote. Of all time. Just sayin' ;).

The day before I was diagnosed with Melanoma (the deadliest type of skin cancer, for those of you who are unfamiliar with this ugly disease) I specifically remember what I did before I went to bed. 

CONFESSION TIME:
I have always struggled with praying every morning and every night. I'll make a good habit and then lose it after a couple of months. I'm human :). 

I'll pray at night, but forget to in the morning. Or, I'll be too lazy or too cold to get out of my bed to kneel down so i'll just say a quick prayer while I'm falling asleep. And sometimes, when I am brave enough to get out of my warm bed, I will fall asleep on my knees, waking up 30 minutes later, with a huge red mark on my forehead from leaning on my bed ;).  

At that time in my life I had a great habit of saying my prayers and that night I was excited to talk to my God to thank Him for my blessings. Not for anything in particular, just for everything I had. I didn't have much, but I had what I needed. I had my family, I had my faith and I had a testimony that I was loved by Him. 

But in past prayers, I had overlooked one little thing. I hadn't thanked the Lord, in a very long time, for my healthy body. And that night, I remembered to say thank you for my beautiful, healthy body. I remember feeling so blessed for the temple I had been given. To know that at that moment: I could walk. I could take care of myself without the aid of another. I could do so many things with my body, with my mind, that many people cannot do. And I was SO grateful for that. 

I felt blessed.




The next day...


At around 2:15 pm on June 15 I got the call that changed my life. "You have Melanoma."

Shock ensued. Grief pierced my heart. Fear shook through my whole body. 


It wasn't until the end of the day that I remembered my prayer. My inconsequential prayer that I had gratefully sang to my Lord. The prayer that included my gratitude for my healthy body. I laughed at the irony. But, I wasn't angry. I wasn't hurt. I just didn't understand. Why?

Now fast forward to today. Thanksgiving 2013!!! The day where we Americans give thanks for our ancestors safe passage to the Americas and we give thanks for what we have today. The day where my big, crazy loving family gets together and EATS and plays music and gives thanks to our Lord. The day where we get together and ask how we're all doing. The day where all the relatives I haven't seen in months ask me about my cancer and say,"How are you doing???" 

The day where all of those emotions from that journey came souring back. The day where I remembered that prayer, said so long ago, in a humble, cramped apartment bedroom, by a little girl who was just so grateful for a healthy body. 

The day I realized why I said that prayer, why I needed that prayer and why I am so grateful I said that prayer. 

I said that prayer because, well, I was grateful. I felt blessed to have a body that was healthy and beautiful. But, the next day I found out I had cancer. Why did I have cancer when I JUST said thank you to my God for a healthy body!? 

I don't know why I had cancer. I could say that God was punishing me for not being grateful for a healthy body. Gosh, I could blame it on the Sun. But, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I don't care. I don't need to know why I was chosen to have cancer. I am just glad I was able to experience that trial because I learned how to have even more gratitude. I didn't feel bitter after my diagnosis. I didn't feel a hardening of my heart towards God. I felt the opposite.

I saw this picture on Facebook. I'm not sure who it belongs to... But I really appreciated the quote, nonetheless :).

I felt grateful that my body had been healthy. I felt grateful that with the help of surgeons with blessed hands, kind nurses who would always smile, a family with such a positive attitude and a Lord that never stopped loving me that I COULD GET THROUGH ANYTHING. 

There was always a silver lining. There is always a silver lining. 

"There is always, always, always something to be grateful for."

I am glad I said that prayer because the next day I could still be grateful. That prayer reminded me that there is always something to be grateful for. No matter what our situation in life, there is always a silver lining. 

And with a prayer of gratitude in our hearts, we can get through anything. We can be grateful for anything, even if we are going through a trial. The most grateful people are the happiest people. 

I am a stronger woman because of this trial. And I am a stronger woman because I decided to kneel down, bow my head and just say,"Thank you."


I am grateful for my trial with cancer. 

"Hard times will always be there.

But so will Christ."
-Al Fox —

Never, forget to smile.